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Camp Cope

by Camp Cope

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1.
Done 04:47
It was the hardest ground that I had ever walked on And just like everybody I kept on walking on There was a man in the park and he was lying down Oh, he could have been dead Oh, he could have been dead But, just like everybody, I kept on walking on Pretend not to notice the body on the lawn He could have gotten up when I had gone And just like everybody, he could’ve kept on walking on Walking on He could have kept on walking on And I thought to myself “Hey, there was probably something I should have done” And I still walk with the fire It’s not the one that’s burning inside her And she came to me, on pages and stolen stationary And she told me she was sorry That this was some strange irony That we got so estranged Yet ended up in the exact same place The exact same place Ended up in the exact same place And I just wanted to say that I only wanted to be like you, because Sister, I admired you and you gave up and said “You know, I'm sorry for everything I’ve done” And sometimes I don’t wanna see my friends And it don’t have to mean anything Feel the slow acceleration, feel the Heavy implications of Skin on skin Did you notice it when you grew Into me like I grew into you? And I surrendered my loneliness to you And you said something along the lines of “I love you” And I probably took it the wrong way And you came back and said “Hey, I was looking for a reason to leave And it’s you And it’s you”
2.
Each day, I ride my bike to the hospital Walk around, check vital signs, and pretend to be useful Sometimes, though, I really don’t know what I’m doing here My father says it’s atonement for my reckless years Like the antagonist from that book For that class that I once took I’ve been desensitized to the human body That I could look at you naked And all I’d see would be anatomy You’re just bones and insecurity Flesh and electricity to me Each night, I try to find that feeling in my bed The two-dimensional happiness When you live your life through a camera lens People stick together and they pull themselves apart Dehydration, separation, like the chambers of my heart And then the weight fell off like clothes Never knowing where it goes I’ve been desensitized to the human body That I could look at you naked And all I’d see would be anatomy You’re just bones and insecurity Flesh and electricity to me Tearing labels off your bottles in a living room Feeling nothing, wanting nothing Because that part of me left with you Now, I plan my day around the eight and twelve medication rounds There are no shocks or surprises No, it’s nothing like that ‘Cause I've been desensitized to the human body That I could look at you naked And all I’d see would be anatomy You’re just bones and insecurity Flesh and electricity like me
3.
Tried to get the audience out from inside my head And the things you say are beautiful, but they don’t make very much sense From the day that I was born, they took me for all that I had And I let them ‘Cause they let me in I'm so weak, I can barely hold this instrument I wanna do whatever you wanna do I wanna make fun of cops with you You went on tour and I went on medication I’ve been stuck in this waiting room and they’re telling me to stay patient So, I’ll close my eyes and I’ll sing this song for you Celebrate with a joint or two And a new backyard tattoo And think of the time that we spent watching X-Files in your living room I wanna do whatever you wanna do I wanna find every truth with you And it all comes down to the knowledge that we’re gonna die Find comfort in that or be scared for the rest of your life So, I sing and I scream and I strum and I try to help out ’Til I can build a little house That the government doesn’t know about But I’d rather be right here than anywhere else, right now I wanna do whatever you wanna do I wanna watch the empire fall with you And it’s fucking with me that you didn’t see That it wasn’t them and it was always me who knew too much And I’m no storyteller the way you are I’m just an angry kid who got given a guitar But how dare you say that I’m too young To know that the ticket prices are going up And the trains still aren’t on time And the thugs that patrol the lines are the reason I’ll never pay my fines And prescription prices are going up And we’re not making any more money Tony’s wallet’s getting heavy Gina, your stomach is far from empty And it’s too many in my mind And now I’m living on the west side You say “Breathe it in, breathe it out” You don’t know what you’re talking about And it’s eating away at my insides And now I’m living on the west side And my mother says I’ve gotten thin Don’t wanna see you for a couple of years But yours is a funeral I’d fly to from anywhere
4.
How it always ends up like this Two lovers staring at each other through a phone screen, lost For this, I really can’t find the time Trying to keep running with my life, ‘cause if I stop I’m lost Hope you know where you are I hope someone’s lent you their guitar I know you’re out feeling everything and I’m in bed watching season one of LOST Keep running to save face We’re still living like dogs in space, lost With so little direction Of course, I haven’t forgotten you Such an impossible thing to do, but if I look back I’m lost Hope you know where you are I hope you feel like you’ve gotten far And maybe you were told you were special one too many times and now you’re lost Maybe I don’t get it Maybe I’ll never get it I’m just lost Now it always ends up like this It’s just me staring at couples across the street and they look so clean and happy But, I don’t wanna end up like that Going through the motions of lying in bed back to back How it always ends up like that I wanna be losers forever Drink coffee in bed together And not talk to anyone and figure out what it is that we had lost What it is that we had lost
5.
“I’m not gonna climb A ladder for the rest of my life” You said that and stood back And you walked away before they could react Hearing cat calls from police cars And they say “What you gonna do about it dressed the way you are?” Yeah, it’s a very common lie They say you're asking for it When you’re walking home alone at night They say the only thing that stops A bad man with a gun Is a good man with a gun The lies they scare in you The only thing that stops A bad man with a gun Is a good man with a gun The lies they use to control you So, you turned and walked away Forgot everything they taught you ’til that day And started arguing eloquently As to whether jet fuel could melt steel beams Hearing cat calls from a construction yard They’ll say, “Take it as a compliment, they’re only being nice” Yeah, it’s a far too common lie And you’ll carry keys between your knuckles When you walk alone at night They say the only thing that stops A bad man with a gun Is a good man with a gun The lies they sell to you The only thing that stops A bad man with a gun Is a good man with a gun The lies they use to control you It’s the trophy wives raising trophy wives Raising children on TV Scared of people like you and me Just don’t ask questions, you’ll sleep peacefully We will not go out in silence And we will not go quietly Nah, jet fuel can’t melt steel beams I’ve watched enough Conspiracy documentaries, yeah They say the only thing that stops A bad man with a gun Is a good man with a gun The lies they use to control you The only thing that stops A bad man with a gun Is a good man with a gun The lies they use to control you Use to control you
6.
Trepidation 03:32
I heard the phone ring when you said “Regrets are probably a good thing” And I didn’t answer It was a private number It made me kind of anxious And I can feel it coming I can hear someone screaming Out in the darkness At least you’re here with me In the darkness with me I swear, it’s a trap And sometimes my arms bend back But it’s been getting better The dark days are over And I’ll eat salt with you If that’s what you need me to do And years from now I’ll think of something profound I know it's getting you down And she made me shake When she got up in my face And heartbreak left a splinter But I heard they met on Tinder So, it really doesn’t matter ‘Cause they really don't matter I swear, it’s a trap And sometimes my arms bend back Now the dark days are over I think I finally got closure And I still spend my time Hiding behind closed eyes When I’m trying to be honest I feel like such a fucking tourist And I still get so anxious But, I came here alone And I will leave here on my own And I will stand in the front row Yeah, I still come to your shows And sing along to the words I know I swear it’s a trap Sometimes my arms bend back But it’s better than before No, you don’t scare me anymore You don’t scare me anymore
7.
Kids from my high school still ignore me When they see me busking in the city And I think they’re going somewhere To take horse tranquilizer and act like they’re too cool to be there and They’ll still call me when they wanna get high Those I look up to, look down on me Or maybe it’s just my crippling anxiety? Because it’s been happening a lot lately I think it’s got something to do with you, but you make me pretty happy I’m just whining about the same shit as yesterday And I would sneak him into my mother’s house Where he would draw the things I’d talk about And we only ever made out And listened to Tigers Jaw and UV Race, yeah, it was pretty grouse But I gave him my old phone and he moved away Now I read my text books like The Bible There’s something about truth that makes existence bearable We’re sitting ‘round the kitchen table It kinda feels like family but a little more unstable And we still have to light the stove with a lighter Yeah, we still have to light the stove with a lighter Still have to light the stove with a lighter It’s kinda like I almost want you to understand this like the first time you were here It’s kinda like I almost want you to understand me like the first time we were here And all this time it made sense to me why life was so unfair Because the universe don’t know and the universe don’t care It took years to figure out everyone else had shit on their mind And the darkness that lives inside of me, looks exactly like you sometimes Still have to light the stove with a lighter I’ll sit alone in my bedroom Hope they can’t hear me in the next room Always alone in my bedroom Hoping no one can hear me
8.
When I asked what closure felt like No one could give me a solid answer When we turned around the corner I felt my entire body shake I swear it didn’t look like him Those hands were dirty and that was comforting And when she said don’t be afraid For the last time, I touched his face And I drove over Sunday morning I couldn’t stop shaking the whole way And she walked over to the thermostat Said the house needed to be warm today And we all sat there in silence Listening to our mother cry And I felt it when it hit I feel everything And I heard you practicing in the shower All the things you were gonna say Though I didn’t hear specific words Boy, I tell you, you sounded brave You were that little bit too late Probably wouldn’t have changed him anyway But if I said that I felt the same Would it feel okay? And I keep his photo in my wallet Yeah, I watch home videos sometimes To hear his voice and see him smile To heal the impact on my life Still hoping I’ll see him on the street Or in the house he built around me, my sisters, and my brother For the strongest woman I’ve ever known, my mother And I keep his photo in my room And how he looked so much like you Charlie, you’re gonna be okay At least tomorrow, if not today And Charlie, I’m gonna be okay And there is no one we can blame Charlie, you’re gonna be okay At least tomorrow, if not today Keep playing your songs everyday Oh, and when you’re not okay You can always call And it was no one’s fault

credits

released September 8, 2017

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